Bullying isn’t the character-building funny part. We feel the sting of bullying long after it is actually happening - And I have been a victim for long enough. People are pack animals and they pick on the weak and the different. This is something we were genetically programmed to do when food was scarce and we were fighting with other animals instead of visiting them in zoos - but the victim’s flight response can do greater harm than any bully. These are my reflections on the bullying I’ve run from - I hope it encourages other victims to fight back with confidence I haven’t had for years.
While many people assume that humans have a natural, intrinsic place at the top of the food chain, yet our prehistorical scholars have learned that we were prey.
Upon learning of this, we can understand both our combative urges for survival as well as our ability to thrive when we cooperate. Human beings are happy to trumpet our brain power and agility in these conversations about early survival, but we need to focus on our ability to work together as a team. Before it was “bear-size hyenas” and saber toothed tigers - Now we fight against ourselves.
So what are the justifications and excuses for bullying? Bullies are insecure, it’s part of growing up, it’s just teasing… the list goes on and on. I call these justifications and excuses because I was bullied, mercilessly, by other kids and teachers. This included destroying my science fair project, name calling, laughing at my lack of coordination, not including me in their games and rubbing my face in it, threatening me with physical violence… later it was ranking me “second-best boobs” in school, rumours about my sexual activity, making fun of my acne, write lewd things in my yearbook… and teachers spending large portions of the class yelling at me when I made mistakes, keeping me from advanced learning activities when I excelled ahead of my classmates, and actively ignoring the peanut gallery comments my fellow classmates insulting me if I didn’t know an answer or gave too good of an answer… and numerous other things. None of this is acceptable.
Bullying is caused by ignorance. Yes, the mighty human race are ignorant. If you want to challenge me on this claim, look to who gets bullied - The outsiders. People who show their individuality by special dress, people who are exceptional, people who are challenged, people who are new, people with another opinion, people who are deemed unattractive, people who are seen as “too beautiful” or “too thin” - Did you notice a pattern? They are all PEOPLE. You have heard the expression “It takes all kinds to make a world” - and there are as many different ways to bully as there are different kinds of people because everyone who is different can be a target for bullies.
Every year I got older, I used to think that I would be done with bullying once I was out of school. Think about it. Most bullying campaigns have to do with school yard animosity. Guess again, however, because adults can be just as bad or worse than kids. The boss who takes all of the accolades for your hard work and demotes you if you make a mistake or are better at your job than she is. That colleague who tells off-colour jokes around the water cooler and makes the shy person in the office uncomfortable or unsafe. What about the person who sees bullying happening but doesn’t do anything to stop it? To my mind, they may as well be doing the bullying themselves. Now there is another forum for bullying - the internet. The term is “cyber-bullying” and it includes being a “troll” who puts inflammatory messages online, texting violent messages, posting insulting pictures online of other people, and any other type of harmful activity.
At the age of 33, I have learned a lot of life lessons, but no more important than this - We have to stop being victims. Every time you are attacked, there are different ways to deal with it based in the fight vs flight. Lifelong victims like me have a highly evolved flight response as I’ve never wanted to fight back because I thought that meant being obstinate, rude, or violent. I am a kind person and I like to help people so when I am confronted, I feel lost that anyone would act that way towards someone who meant them no harm. Most of the time, I’d shy away and hide. Anytime I did speak out, I seemed to get into trouble, so I stopped taking part in activities I didn’t have to. I stayed away from sports teams, stopped trying to answer questions in class unless forced, stopped taking fiddle classes because I had to audition to get into the new group, stopped acting because I overheard one of the teacher’s mocking me, stopped reading advanced books because another teacher convinced me I wouldn’t understand the book I was enjoying, no longer competed in events as it might draw attention to myself...
In a way, I became my own worst bully.
I have struggled for years to stop this victimization of myself and encourage other weak members of society to find their own strength. We may no longer be fighting the animals for survival, but if we work together with respect and compassion, there is no limit to where our big brains and agility can lead us. Don’t be a victim like me!
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