Paranoid Schizophrenia

I don't know how to feel... so I guess I'll write.

The first step to dealing with mental illness is to get a proper diagnosis with all the tests and processes that come with that.  I have gone through a few partial assessments for specific concerns but, as psychology and my condition have developed, they felt incomplete and inaccurate.

So now I have the first part of my answer... I have Schizophrenia.

Over the next while, I'll write more as the process gets rolling... but at this point, that's all I have to say.

Results... soon

of tests to determine why I have difficulties with moods, friendship, trust, horrible images, and workplace relations.  Now it's the wait until they give me the diagnosis.

On one hand, I will get answers to the questions I've been asking for years.  On the other hand, will I like the information I'm given?  I'm giddy and terrified at the same time and I don't know what to do while I wait.

To My Dear... #3

To My Dear...

From the moment you are capable of conversations, this world will push and pull you towards a career. Please keep this in mind - All jobs are tough, in one way or another... but most of the time, you have to decide between a career that is physically risky or mentally challenging.  Beginning wages are always low and some career paths fail to allow you to progress and improve that wage.  These dead-end jobs can harm your soul and - by the time you know this - it is very hard to get out of that rut.

So my advice, for what it's worth, is to be interested in everything you come into contact with, try everything you can, keep all of your commitments, work and enjoy every experience for what it is, and dream all you want in your off hours.

Another thing:
Humans tend to not follow advice when they're young and lament what they could have done differently as they age.

I hope as you get older, you will take advice offered from all of the people who love you... including me.

To My Dear... #2

To My Dear...

This is a pre-emptive apology to the darkness in this world and my personal promise.

First, the apology,
You will be hurt.  You will be lied to.  You will be mislead.  Most of the people or faceless organizations that harm you in this life will not acknowledge or apologize for your pain - So I will do this for them.  I offer you this apology for the ignorance, shame, and crudeness of this world.  You who are so perfect, so full of hope, so full of curiosity.  This world will find some way to crush and stifle you.

Second, my promise,
I promise to you that I will do my best to help you.  I promise to not shelter you from these things but to help you deal with them anyway I can.  When you have a question, I promise to give you the strongest answer I can and if I don't know, I promise I will help you find the answer.

Lastly,
Remember that you are loved by so many people and we will help you all we can.  We may be stern sometimes and we will argue as you progress, but this is because we love you.

I am here for you.